The Perfect Friend
The topic of friendship is often on my mind. Well before I started this blog my mom and I talked a lot about relationships, friendships and how all that works when you are part of a local church. I miss those conversations with my mom. She was a very wise and discerning woman who always fought to keep the peace. If she was in the wrong she was quick to repent and ask for forgiveness.
I still have many relational questions. As a One: The Perfectionist, on the Enneagram, I care a little too much about how to do things (like relationships) the “best way.” I have tried a lot of different silly friendship tactics in my early 20s to see what works “best”. What-a-fool I was. Anything apart from the Gospel is vanity and rooted in selfish pride. There is no perfect way to do friendships. There is no manual about how you get into a friendship with someone. There are no rules about how you maintain all your friendships. And there is no one person who is going to explain how to keep your friends. Believe me, I’ve tried to do all of those things. We are living in the days before eternity with Jesus and it’s just not gonna be perfect. But I DO believe that Christian friendship and fellowship can be so, so good here and now.
Back in grad school I told my mom that I just knew that my new roommate and I were going to be friends. “How do you know that?” Shirl-the-Pearl asked. “Because she one-hundred-percent lied to me on the phone and then a minute later called me back, confessed her sin, repented and then asked for my forgiveness. I think she’s the real deal.” That roommate and I have been friends ever since and that was well over 10 years ago. Repentance is on my mind because recently I had to ask for her forgiveness. We need to stop looking for that “perfect friend” because they don’t exist. Christian, you are looking for a humble friend. You are looking for the one who practices repentance. You are looking for the one who’s laughing at the days to come because they know their true hope is in Christ alone. You are looking for a friend who’s in love with Jesus more than anything else. You are looking for someone who is loving deeply. 1 Peter 4:8 “Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.”
Bless you saints as you pursue and enjoy Godly friendships. Relationships are hard work and feelings often get hurt in the process, but if both parties are submitted to Christ I believe real shalom and joy can be experienced. Now that does not mean that these relationships will be void of mystery or hard realities, but for the Christ-following friends His banner over us will be love - His real love. And that’s what the world needs to witness: unlikely friendships, unique pairings, you and I loving each other even when we don’t agree on politics, theology, food, etc. Just remember that it is Christ alone that will satisfy your heart, not your friends. It’s better to enjoy your person for who they really are rather than who you want them to be. God loves us, for all that we are. And we are called to do the same.
-Sarah