Worship - just do it.

The years right out of college are particularly difficult. At least it was for me. It’s necessary to plant yourself in community quickly and do the hard work of starting new relationships. I’m grateful the Lord brought me to such a place of need that I jumped in deep relationship with Marilyn quickly. It was the love of God that bound my mentor and I together. I had a lot of zeal but no wisdom and not much experience. Marilyn was full of crazy, rich life experiences. God gave her great wisdom to know how to instruct those with lots of zeal but no life experience so we didn’t do anything too stupid. BUT let’s be real, I did do some stupid things anyway from time-to-time. What can I say? I’m a glutton for humble pie.

We’d meet on the regular, Marilyn and I. Our times together would always start the same: “You wanna chai, honey? I got the good stuff.” she’d say. Her chai tea of choice was Oregon Chai, topped with whip. If you know, then you know. But some weeks the stores would be out and Marilyn would have to lower her chai standard. On those weeks she’d just add more whip to the mediocre chai.

Marilyn would cut to the chase real quick after chai time. “How’s your heart, honey? What’s God been talking to you about?” she’d ask. These kinds of questions would almost always lead us to tears of joy or tears of grief filled with hope in the Lord. She’s also the only person I know who uses the word “hoot” to describe someone. Sometimes I’d make a joke after praying for something heavy, just to lighten the mood. She’d laugh and just say, “Sarah, you’re a hoot. You know that, honey?” Such sweet times with Marilyn.

In those early days of meeting with Marilyn, I came into a dry season where I felt stuck. I was reading the Bible, but not really getting any revelation. I would pray but at the time felt like I was talking to a wall. I’d listen to worship music but I was bored by familiar songs. Marilyn asked me, “When you have time with God, how does it start?” “Well,” I said, “I pray a little…then I read my bible or a devotional…yeah that’s about it.” Marilyn smiled at me and said, “That’s great, Sarah.” **Cue cricket sounds** I expressed my frustrations because in the past I felt like God would speak to me or I would sense his presence, but now it’s like radio silence. Marilyn asked, “Have you ever worshiped God before you read your bible? I mean like singing out loud...” The rest of our time together was filled with talk about worshiping God. We talked about taking time to adore him, thank him, and making time to simply sit and wait in silence until we hear from him. Also repenting if the Lord brought something to mind while worshiping. I will never forget this conversation because it was a game changer and continues to be a game changer for my time with the Lord.

When you begin your time adoring the Lord, worshiping him, magnifying him, our hearts and lives align to the Gospel and the Holy Spirit. In worship we root ourselves deeper in the Truth of who God is and who he has made us to be. We are made to worship our creator. Thus we fulfill our calling and use our giftings when we sing out loud to him. And there is a difference between singing “in your heart” and singing out loud. All Christians should explore that if you have not yet. Get in your “prayer closets” and worship the Lord.

When my mom died, I stopped worshiping God. I physically couldn’t do it without utterly falling apart. Over time my heart became hard. I was grieving, angry, feeling deep guilt for unresolved issues between my mom and I. To make matters worse, when your mom’s a voice teacher, choir director, and worship leader, there is no song that can be sung that is not attached to a memory of them (musicals, hymns, old gospel songs, operas, pop songs, you name it!). When my husband and I returned to church after my mom’s funeral events, almost every time we would sing, all I could see is my mom’s face in my mind’s eye and hear her voice in my head. It was so desperately painful. So, I just stopping singing. I stopped listening to worship music, and most music, honestly. I took a break from being on the worship team, I stopped taking time to worship God in my “quite time” with him like I had for years. I just, stopped. It was a dark time.

I don’t have an encouraging praise report about what happened in that season following my mom’s death. There was not a specific moment of breakthrough. There was no revelation. There was no parting of the clouds and a holy-spirit-dove-descending-on-my-head moment. Those kinds of moments have happened for me in the past and were life changing. This season of silence was life changing in other ways: I learned what it meant to be ‘poor in spirit’. The psalms are full of questions and laments and they made the most sense that they ever have. I learned what it meant to be truly needy and to be brought low. Matthew 11:28-30 says “Come all you weary and I will give you rest” (I can hear my mom sing that phrase from Handel’s Messiah like it was yesterday). God gave me rest to just be sad and grieve. I was sad, for a long time. But in the same breath I felt his grace to grieve all that had been lost.

Only recently have I begun to sing again in my time with the Lord, and let me tell you, it feels like coming home. It’s still painful at times, but friends, there is power in the name of Jesus and to sing his name out loud brings power and real encouragement to our souls through the power of the Holy Spirit. We are made to worship God. Worship: Just do it.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 -2. “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted”

What season are you in? A season of grief? A season of contentment? What does the Lord have for you today? Answer: Himself. The Lord has given his whole life to be our everything. Take him up on that today. Consider his greatest act of love: giving his life so that we can be free from sin and take a moment to just worship him, even right now.

I’ll end with a song that my mom used to sing often. It remains one of my favorite songs. If you know it, sing along, out loud. Sing to Jesus. If you’re not feeling it, that’s okay. Be gracious with yourself, but also be honest with yourself. Consider this: my friend Cat Valentine (Yes, that was her real last last name before she got married) used to say to me, “Sometimes you just need to sing yourself into the Truth.” She’s right. Seek the Lord and enter his gates with thanksgiving and see what the Lord does.

His Eye is on the Sparrow

Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heaven and home,
When Jesus is my portion? My constant friend is He:
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I sing because I’m happy,
I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

“Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear,
And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I sing because I’m happy,
I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.

Whenever I am tempted, whenever clouds arise,
When songs give place to sighing, when hope within me dies,
I draw the closer to Him, from care He sets me free;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

I sing because I’m happy,
I sing because I’m free,
For His eye is on the sparrow,
And I know He watches me.