Kristine, Mandi & Me: Part Three
A water break and switching of seats as we enjoy the setting sun on my sun porch. The moment is so gezellig to me. Gezellig: convivial, warm, cozy or a feeling of belonging. It’s just so good to be in the company of the saints.
Mandi: I think it’s really interesting to hear us talk about being introverted moms. It’s obvious that we have very similar experiences as introverts, while at the same time our giftings manifest differently. How each of us hosts or how and when we invite people into our homes is different.
Sarah: I think that’s one of the beautiful things about being a part of the body of Christ, in our differences is actually our strength. We are united by the Gospel and work together to embrace and invite people that others would not be able to, perhaps in different seasons or circumstances.
Kristine: Yeah, like even yesterday Mandi you were the answer to my prayer. James 1:5 “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God” has been on my mind. So, I don’t have my sons in sports but I still want them to be athletic and know how to do things, but I haven’t had the capacity to put them in things and it’s just expensive to do sports for four little ones. And the other day Gideon told me he wanted to run. I told God, I need a way for Gideon to run. I put it before the Lord: “How do I do this?” And then out of the blue, this other kid from church told Gideon that he was in a running group with Simon (Mandi’s son) and some others. You wanna run with us? And there it is! The Lord answered. And I’m just really thankful! Those are things that the Lord did for me. So many times I’ve been like, I need a break, Lord. I need a way out of this situation and it’s not always an immediate answer, but there have been a remarkable number of answers to prayers like that.
Sarah: How has the gospel changed you over the years, especially in terms of being introverted and being in relationship with fellow Christians?
Kristine: Mine is short and sweet: I have been convicted throughout the years again and again by the verse about giving a cup of cold water to believers “If anyone offers a cup of cold water in my name he will surely be rewarded.” I think that’s Matthew 10:42. Basically, this is an act of service. And that has pulled me out of selfish retreat many, many times. Even from my own children. Often I’ve felt the prompting of the Lord, his kindness to take a moment to stop what I’m doing to help my children, or friends. That has just been very hard for me to lay down what I want to be doing at the moment to help my kids. So that verse has been very encouraging over the years.
Mandi: So my thought on that question is that the church is big and it’s full of different kinds of personalities; introverts and extroverts and many other distinctions. We are purposefully designed by our creator and intended to be complementary and comparison steals that beauty. So when we do compare ourselves, like we often do, it steals the beauty from us. Instead, we should be celebrating and complimenting and be thankful for those attributes that make us so different. We have a chance to be blessed by people who are different from us. I can embrace now that God has made me this way, on purpose and this is the Church. This is how the church works. And we can build it up and love that person and be blessed by their gifts and they can be blessed in mine. I can rest in that. Resting in that God made them that way, and it’s good and resting in who God made me to be as he says, it’s good.
Kristine: Yes. Returning to the Gospel that we are loved for who we are. I think before kids I didn’t realize I was so finite that I really only had a limited capacity. And the Lord reminded me that in the Bible we are described as only body parts. So we literally need the other parts of the body to thrive. I really need people to help me raise my kids. I can’t do it alone. I cannot stay home all day, every day of the week to raise my kids and be this loving, encouraging, consistent mother. What ends up happening is I can be too harsh because I’m frustrated or too passive. So, asking for help has just been so good for us all. And it just feels so much more healthy. And to be honest I hesitated to come tonight.
I was telling David before I came that I should be at a place where I’m doing this mothering thing well, but the truth is, I do some things well and some things I just continually don’t do super great at. And there, enter the Gospel, the Lord still loves me. And he’s moving me forward.
Sarah: Amen. If you could share briefly, what has the Lord been speaking to you or teaching you in this season of your life?
Mandi: Psalm 139 has been on my heart. I’ve been pondering and memorizing, journaling, and praying. It’s just been at the forefront of my mind…that God knows me completely. It says…
You have searched me, Lord,
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you, Lord, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
He knows everything – everything! And then the last two verses are…
23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
It’s fascinating to me that almost the whole passage is how he knows everything about me, every detail and then it says, “Search me.” You know me, now search me. So, the Spirit already knows me, also he wants me to invite him in…so I’ve been thinking about that a lot. I’m just fascinated that he knows everything and he loves me. I think this connects to what we were talking about at the beginning of our time: the beauty of who I am and the beauty of who others are, he made us! And we can rest in who we are because he knows us…and he loves me. He loves me.
To hear Mandi say, “He loves me” brings me to tears even now as I reflect on that evening’s conversation. There is no greater love than the love God has for us.
Kristine: This year, I feel like I’m learning new roles. My youngest just turned four and it feels like I’m experiencing a new kind of joy in motherhood. And to be honest, it’s been a long ten years with four little boys. There were lots of good moments in there but there was so much tiredness and feeling like I needed help, but I didn’t know how to get it; I prayed for it but I didn’t see it happen right away. So it’s been really sweet to me to reap what I have sown. To see my kids do things, which I taught them for ten years to do, they’re finally all just doing it! It’s just been so sweet and I feel refreshed lately.
Now I’m trying to figure out how wisely to serve the Lord with my time… I know I’m not supposed to say this but, I loved COVID. I mean the part where we’re all staying home a lot, you know what I mean?
Sarah: Same! The strangest blessing in disguise!
Kristine: I know, I was so happy! I don’t have to go anywhere. I used to not go places but then I used to feel guilty not to attend something, or that I’m letting my kids down by not taking them places. But this past year or so has been kinda nice. I was also just able to drop some things that had been pressing on me, take a break socially to kind of reset. Ya know? But I will say it’s still a conversation with the Lord about what is the best thing to do with my time, now that I have more of it. How do you want me to enter this new season, God? How do you want me to use my time, God? So mostly it’s been a blessing but I’m still unsettled or just not quite confident that this is what I should be doing with my time.
Sarah: What did God teach you this past year of COVID? What did you learn through this pandemic?
Mandi: What Kristine said, I liked it!
Lots of laughing together
Kristine: I actually realized that things that I had over spiritualized as big issues in my life were actually just practical over commitment problems.
Mandi: I think that is so true even for some of my really extroverted friends, I came to that same realization. Over commitment is just not good.
Kristine: I really thought that I didn’t over commit, because I hated that, but actually I still was and I didn’t even know it. I was functioning at a greater capacity than I ever should have been.
Mandi: And for my part, I would say that I’m just a sponge for other people’s anxieties and I don’t realize it until my health starts going down. I store anxiety in my body; I think I already knew that but it was such a release this past year.
Sarah: To answer my own question, I would say that the Lord reminded me of the order of my loves, as C.S. Lewis puts it. The most important relationship that I have is with Jesus himself. Period. I’ve been convicted that at times I have given more of myself to the pursuit of people than him. After Christ, my husband is the most important and then our daughter. This new order has been a hard adjustment for me though and it’s taken a long time for me to be OKAY with it. When I was single the order of my loves was Jesus first and then my friends and family. Since I was single for most of my life my friends have always been a high priority and I really gave myself to all those relationships - 100%. Marriage and the family season are very, very different though. Psalm 16 has always been very meaningful to but especially this past year:
5 Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup;
you make my lot secure.
6 The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
7 I will praise the Lord, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
8 I keep my eyes always on the Lord.
With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
9 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
10 because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead,
nor will you let your faithful one see decay.
11 You make known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
Our evening concluded with sleepy smiles, more laughs and more laughs. Our watches told us we talked for a long while, but our conversation went by fast. I feel like I’ve known these women for decades. For me this evening was a beautiful reminder that the Gospel connects us in ways that the passage of time or even significant life experience cannot. The love of God is strong and beautiful, like these two sisters in Christ. Praise God.