Not Your Momma's House

Host much? Have ADD? Then I’m your girl.

When I first got married, like any true American Girl I tried really hard to cook, host and serve the way that my mom did. My mom was an excellent homemaker. Mom had a pantry a mile wide and a mile deep. SO MUCH FOOD in our house - always. And her house was full of serving ware, extra glasses, picnic accessories, cloth napkins for every kind of event - you name it! It was home and it was wonderful. More than wonderful in fact - a dim reflection of what eternity will be like and I loved it there.

When I first got married what I didn’t understand at the moment was that I was trying really-really hard to be something I was not. I was trying to be like my mom. Mom was very extraverted, Type-A, highly organized, and was very talented at talking while cooking. She slayed, as they say. It’s a talent; talking while cooking? Have you ever done that?? It blows my mind to see people who are capable of such a thing. Who am I? I am a highly socially educated introvert. I have ADD and if you don’t know what that is, go look it up. Basically my brain is on steroids all day long. So, I’m incapable of cooking and talking at the same time.

Since mom passed away in 2017 I have wrestled with a lot of grief and change. But in the area of hosting I feel like I have really come into my own. I have learned to discern to take the good lessons from my mom’s hosting and surrender all the other aspects. I can appreciate her and how she did things, but I no longer feel like a slave to being something that I am not.  I have learned to embrace grace, my season of life, our financial circumstances, our home in all its glory and brokenness. Lastly I’d say I’ve worked really hard to educate myself on the topic of cooking and how I like to cook and serve as a person with with ADD. I know if my mom was here she’d be like, “You go girl!” (said in her best raw-raw cheer mom voice). So here are a few things I’d like to share on the topic:

-There are no rules to hosting and serving in the Kingdom of God. The Lord is the one who builds the house.  If you find yourself feeling like a failure for not doing “this” or not doing “that”…you probably have some amount of legalism going on in your heart and the Enemy will run with that. Don’t let him. I think one of the ways he does that is social media. We are inundated with so much - TOO much content of people hosting in really exorbitant and decadent ways. Very unrealistic for most of the world. So free yourself from believing a lie about hosting: Your hosting should look like you, your home and the family culture you are in the middle of cultivating. 

-Make hosting easy for yourself. For too long I created all these expectations for how the house should look, how the food should be, how to dress the table, etc. I also had high expectations for how my husband should be hosting alongside me. All these things and more. I’m ADD so I always get into all the details but I’m never able to make things really how I want because I’d get distracted instantly and move on to something else. Internal madness and perpetual disappointment has been my personal soundtrack. One terrible evening of attempting to cook a brand new dish while keeping my 2 year old entertained I just had a MELTDOWN. Not too long before guests were supposed to arrive, my husband came home and first was like, “don’t worry about it, let's just order a pizza.” And I was like, “Oh yeah…why didn’t we just do that in the first place?”

-Invite more than one. A friend from my church who is also introverted and loves to host gave me this idea: She said invite more than one person, or more than one family. This creates a social interaction that does not solely rest on you talking, entertaining and serving the whole time. Genius. It might seem like a more overwhelming scenario but actually the more people I host, the more I’m able to just kind of rest and be in the hosting and serving zone because I’m not responsible for sustaining the social aspect.

Blessings on your head as you establish a hospitable home, generous portions and cultivate an atmosphere of grace and freedom.

Peace,

Sarah