Jasmine: Singleness and Togetherness
Even though Jasmine lives in St. Louis now, I’m just so delighted that we’ve stayed connected. Jasmine Lockett is currently attending seminary at Covenant and her degree will be in Counseling and Theology. If you know her, this makes total sense. She is a woman on fire for the Lord. She is active in advancing the Gospel, discipling the next generation and building up the local church with her talents. I feel so lucky to call her my friend. I asked Jasmine if she would mind formally sharing some of her thoughts about the Church, fellowship and her perspective on being single in this season. I’m glad she said yes! Here’s a snapshot of our conversation…
Sarah: When we arrive in heaven, it's gonna be amazing. We will meet Jesus, we'll be surrounded by the saints, the new heaven, the new earth! I'm still not sure what that even means, but I know it's gonna be awesome. So when you walk and talk with Jesus, after you've gotten all the hard questions out of the way, what random or funny questions do you have for Him? For example, will we still smell bad in heaven? Will I still have bad breath and will my daughter still have stinky feet? I'm just so curious! Was it in God's original design for us to smell as bad as we do? Or is the food we eat that makes us smell so bad? I gotta know, Lord!
Jasmine: I love this question, and I love that you are letting me have time to ask Jesus all the harder questions first. One question I would like to ask, that will hopefully follow an introduction, is this: who wrote the book of Hebrews?!? I would ask why he created mosquitoes and if that was a product of the Fall. Were they a part of the original design or is it solely the bite that is a product of the Fall? I would ask whose house it was that those friends lowered their paralytic friend into and was the homeowner angry about the situation.
Sarah: What do you love about the local church & God's global Church and why?
Jasmine: I love that the Church is God’s plan for the nations to be reached. I love the opportunity to hear and be encouraged by the gospel each time I enter a church building. I love that the Church is where the people of God gather to worship Him and usher others into that worship. I love that it is a community that has endured. I love that it is diverse generationally and ethnically. I love that there are many styles of worship. I love that it can be a safe place to both rejoice and lament.
Sarah: Jasmine, you have such a heart for people, ministry and the Church. I perceive that you have wisdom beyond your years and your life experience. This can only come from a woman who is rooted in the Word and loves to follow the Lord's ways. Tell me, if you could write a love letter to the young single women in the church what would you say? What encouragement would you give? What advice would you share? What boundary lines have you given yourself that has brought you life and peace in this season of singleness?
Jasmine: This is sweet. I feel encouraged by the way you’ve crafted the question, and that is part of my answer to this. If I am rooted or wise it is because the Lord has given me people to walk alongside me, to emulate as they imitate Christ, to encourage and disciple me. I would exhort single women to be in a community where they can be known. I would share Psalm 68:6 and Genesis 2:18. God has designed us for community and often provides that within the church, so take advantage of it. Find a mentor, seek out friendships, and be around other believers. Although, some relationships will only be for a short time, press into them. Ask an older lady to grab coffee with you and come ready with questions about her life. Invite yourself over to help with a task you are already aware that a married friend is doing. (For example, I have invited myself over to help fold laundry or clean with women I wanted to get to know.) Make a meal and welcome friends to eat with you in your home. Host a book club or game night in your space. Organize a cinema trip to see the latest Marvel movie with a group of friends. Be intentional about engaging with people, look for ways to gather, and don’t be afraid to invite yourself into the lives of others.
I think I’ve shared this, but I spent a tremendous amount of time praying for a specific friendship, and God answered that prayer through you, Sarah. Our friendship began with your offer to join together to pray. Although we don’t get to spend as much time together as I would prefer, the Lord continues to bless and encourage me through your life. My advice is to find your Sarah Martin! Seriously! Find friends you want to pray with, to join a book club with, to hold you accountable, to correct you, to share your faith with, to encourage you. (Mentors are sometimes hard to find, but pray for God to send you a mentor/discipler. Read scripture and good books while you wait.)
Another important aspect of my singleness has been learning more about myself. In his book Knowing God, J.I. Packer discusses the cyclical nature of knowing more about God and knowing more about yourself. These two should and often do, inform one another. So, I would encourage (not just single people, but anyone) to spend time getting to know God and getting to know yourself, which will be a lifelong endeavor. Practically, these two things can look like committing to reading God’s Word regularly and finding activities you enjoy doing that can be developed into serving opportunities.
Scripture has much more to say about our character than our marital status, and focusing on growing in Christ will always be worth it…because He’s worthy.
Sarah: What has been the best part of being single as a young professional?
Jasmine: One of the best parts has been having the flexibility to explore various interests and curiosities. I have been able to wake up and spend the day at the Art Museum. I have been free to decide to attend seminary. I have gotten to volunteer and serve in various capacities without adding significant changes to the lives of those I am responsible for because I am primarily responsible for myself. This flexibility has allowed me the freedom to be curious about an activity, explore it, and change my mind. It has helped me to learn more about where I am gifted and what I do and don’t like.
Sarah: What has been the hardest thing about being single in this season of your life? How is it different from the previous seasons of being single?
Jasmine: I think it has been difficult to have an unspoken expectation on my time and availability. I already shared about how I enjoy the flexibility I have as a single person, but having flexibility does not always equate to availability. Sometimes people can assume that single people do not have plans or work to do as compared to married people. Often, single people are just as busy as married people, but singles usually have less people for whom they are responsible. There is also a sense in which it can communicate to a single person that you don’t think they are a grown adult, especially for single women. Singleness does not equate to adolescence.
I spend a lot of time explaining to people that I am not a college student. While I understand that there are several factors behind the assumption that I am a student, it can be exhausting and an obstacle to true connection and fellowship.
Sarah: What practical advice would you give to the Church, the saints who long to connect with the single demographic of their congregation but are not sure how to really go about making that happen?
Jasmine: I think one of the glaring issues that likely was exacerbated by the pandemic is loneliness. People are looking for belonging and connection. It’s some of the reasoning behind why social media holds the place it does in our society. I would tell the saints that singles want to be known and they want to know you. So the first thing to know is that your presence is wanted. If you long to connect with singles, I can almost guarantee that they long to connect with you.
I can remember being part of a church Bible study and a couple of older ladies walking up to me asking if I wanted to get coffee with them sometime. The answer was a resounding yes! I still connect with those ladies. They have become mentors and close friends who offer counsel and support to me.
My other advice is to pray. If you are looking to connect with singles in your congregation, ask God to give you the opportunity to do this. Be really specific in your prayers. Wait on the Lord, and act. If there are singles in your church, just ask their name and what they enjoy doing. Ask the Spirit to help you know what to say and do next.
Sarah: Can you write a short prayer, praying for the readers of this Blog? Doesn't have to be long, but I'd love to have you pray for my readers. What unites this group of subscribers is that we are all longing to grow in learning how to love one another through genuine friendship, cultivating community through hospitality and engaging people with the Gospel at the center of our hearts.
Jasmine: God, I pray that we would pray. I pray that we would seek You continually. I pray that You would give us the grace, humility, and courage to get to know others and to allow them to get to know us. I ask that as we do this, we would know You more deeply, serve more fully, and be a blessing to others. In Jesus’ name, Amen!