Roommates
I started writing a book a few years ago…well several years ago at this point. I keep forgetting I’m 36 now! Before I met my husband I was very single and living with roommates. I became pretty obsessed with the topic of roommates and began writing a book about that very topic. I thought it was about time to share some of the content. My book is titled…
Roommates
A Book About How to Live with Roommates Until You:
A. Get Married B. Die C. Jesus Comes Back
by Sarah Martin.
“One day, it dawned on me - “Oh shit. I might never get married…” I got real sad and threw myself a pity-party. After the party, it occurred to me that I was approaching the whole roommate thing completely wrong. In my early career as a professional roommate I would take one look at my roommates and slap a metaphorical label on their foreheads reading, “Roommate – Expiration Date: May 8th 2016.” I categorized them as relationally disposable. This roommate thing we’ve got going on is not forever so there is no need to get too deep or even to become friends. This roommate relationship didn’t matter that much because we were only sharing a roof over our heads and a bathroom, nothing more, nothing less. After the “Oh shit!” moment, I made two decisions:
One - I don’t want to waste my life waiting to get married. I’m a fool if I allow myself to live with my roommates and choose not to pursue them in real friendship and Christian fellowship.
Secondly - IF I did someday get married, I didn’t want to wait and learn all the hard lessons in communication, selfishness and pride with my husband. That sounds like the worst. I’d rather have sex or go adventuring instead of fighting about how we load the dishwasher or how we communicate about calendar dates, or how much we should spend on our first house, etc.
I know from experience and many, many coffee conversations that a majority of roommate relationships are pretty passive and lack depth of relationship, even if you are friends before you are roommates. Sometimes it’s even harder to be roommates if you were friends before you moved in together. The truth is it doesn’t have to be that way. I believe it shouldn’t be that way. Then again, if we don’t care about people, you probably are not a Christian. Too harsh? It’s the Truth. If we are following Christ and practicing the teachings of the Bible you are accountable for how you live with your roommates. It’s more than that though, right? It’s how you love and serve them. Roommates are not just roommates. Never let yourself believe that lie. They are valuable, dearly loved and cherished by the Lord. That metaphorical expiration label gives you an open door of excuses for not communicating, for not serving them, for not inquiring about their lives and relationships. To go a step further, I think it’s too easy to settle for passive aggressive tensions, not speaking up if we witness someone is in habitual sin, not purposing to pray or worship together and so on. It’s too easy to give up or be lazy or worse, not even care. If that’s how you live with a roommate, to some degree that’s probably how you will end up living with your spouse if you get married.
The truth is for this season you are living with the person you are supposed to be with (Psalm 16 “the boundary lines have fallen in pleasant places…”). You are supposed to love them and serve them. Jesus came to earth, humbled himself and became servant of all and we are called to do the same. Ask the Lord, “Why this person for this season? God, what are you trying to teach me about who YOU are? Lord, how do you want to use me to affirm my roommate’s true identity? How do YOU see them? What are you teaching me about myself? And God, if you have marriage in my future, how are you preparing me for my future mate through this roommate?
Roommates are never just roommates. They are your brothers and sisters in Christ and should be treated as such. Don’t be foolish. Don’t be lazy. Move forward and seek the Lord and seek out true and wisdom as you learn how to love your roommates.”
- Sarah Martin