The olive branch, a mother and a friend

My mom was a peacemaker. I think that’s part of the reason people loved her so much. She was not political or purposefully controversial, she was not overly opinionated (except about music. She had some pretty strong opinions about everything musical).  My mom’s peacemaker way initially inspired the logo for One Another but it wasn’t until a few years ago when an email arrived in my inbox that I knew the olive branch needed to be a part of the logo for my blog. Here’s that story:

I wasn’t expecting that. An email from an old college friend landed in my inbox a few years ago…well I thought we were friends. Her email was harsh, accusatory, shaming and filled with bitterness and really good grammar (She was a smart woman and a sharp wit. I coveted her brains). We will call my friend, Candace. Candace point blank said she had been deeply hurt and wounded by me. The email was explicit in how this wounding had come to be. As I read Candace’s words I was filled with confusion and deep sadness. I couldn’t help but cry when I finished reading. I’m the kind of girl who can’t sleep if I know there is something unresolved between a friend and I. But this email could not be responded to in a hurry. I needed to talk to someone to get some perspective. But the only person I wanted to talk to was my mom. My mom knew us both and Shirley Salazar had a real tender spot for Candace, too. Candace is not a believer, but when my mom was alive she and I always prayed that someday Candace would be saved.

College was over 15 years ago for me now, so a lot of life has happened since then. So it was quite a shock to receive this email. The first of its nature I’d ever received. I was stumped with how to respond. There was a moment when I thought, “I could just… ignore it!?” But I knew I couldn’t do that. For the Christian, reconciliation is one of the highest callings in our life on this earth…but I was sincerely stumped about how to respond. Candace’s interpretation of past events left me really baffled, much of it I couldn’t even remember. And the moments I could remember were foggy at best.

I began to ask myself what would mom do? What would mom’s counsel be to me in this situation? She knew me well and in the past she had always steered me in the right path if a friend had offended me, or when I was in the wrong and needed to ask for forgiveness. This is what I think Shirley would have said…

Sarah, extend an olive branch to her. Do what needs to be done to make peace with Candace…

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” 

Romans 12: 18 

Candace is hurt and she has come to you …even if you don’t fully get it, humble yourself and confess you want to have reconciliation… 

“Finally, brothers, rejoice. Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you.”

 2 Corinthians 13:11

 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” 

Philippians 2: 3 - 4

“Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

Colossians 3:13

Ask the Lord what you need to repent of…and then ask Candace’s forgiveness accordingly…

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” 

Ephesians 4:32

 “Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” 

Proverbs 28:13

“Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.” 

Act 3:19

Ask the Lord for wisdom. Talk to your friends who know both of you and ask them what they think to help you gain some perspective…

“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; Fools despise wisdom and instruction.” 

Proverbs 1:7

“For the LORD gives wisdom; from his mouth comes knowledge and understanding.” 

Proverbs 2:6

“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man is he who listens to counsel.” 

Proverbs 12:15

I can hear my mom say that phrase even now: “Extend an olive branch, Sarah. You wanna live in peace.” I praise God that my mom was a woman of the Word. It’s not like she had all the verses memorized or every psalm cross-stitched and framed in our house, but she truly did her best to live out the Word while she lived. Her goal was always to live in peace with others.

After much prayer and long conversations with a few of my friends, Candace and I did arrive at reconciliation and she did accept my olive branch. I am deeply grateful that she did. I invited her to enter into friendship with me again, but she declined that offer and that’s okay. It is enough to live in peace and the knowledge that God’s Word has made things right relationally. God be praised.

I think it should be the Christian’s goal and life’s practice to live in peace with everyone as much as it is in our control. That doesn’t mean you’re friends with everyone and that doesn’t mean you agree with everyone on all matters (you’d literally go insane if you attempted that). And living in peace doesn’t mean you are exempt from offenses, fights or straight up sinning against each other. And from my own personal experience, I have known a much deeper peace in my soul on the other side of real relational tensions after reconciliation has been made.The good news is that the Lord offers us a real life on the other side of an offense. When we choose to humble ourselves, remove the plank from our eyes and say, “Can you forgive me…” The Word is clear: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Romans 12: 18 

Christian, our reputations should precede us as peacemakers. We are ambassadors of Christ himself. If there is an offense – go and seek reconciliation. If there is bitterness or unspoken grudges LET IT GO or go make it right. God will give you wisdom. This topic has been on my heart for over a year. I sense such division in our world and in my local community but I think we forget The Lord himself is ruling and reigning. He is God.  The Lord invites us into his perfect peace, rest and restoration. Let us enter into that good rest. So, no fear friends. I want to invite us all to live the repentant life, taking the humble road and being quick to make peace. This is a part of what real love and relationships looks like here on earth. Real relationships are broken, messy and painful but worth the fight because it brings glory to God and that’s kind of the whole point. Our fellow believers are worth the good fight. I’ll go first…I have someone on my mind even as I write this post.

I pray Shalom unto us all as we prepare to enter into the holidays and a new year.