The Giver and the Receiver

I asked a few friends to share one or two significant gifts that they have received (or given) in seasons of loss, sorrow or grief. Additionally, share why that thing was precious to them. Here’s what they said:

Maddie Jeffers

A couple things come to mind…

1. Some friends pitched in and set up for me to have a lady come clean my house once a month for a while. They knew how much I like a tidy home and after cancer not having the energy to keep up was incredibly stressful. So this gift stuck with me.

2. After the loss of a babe, a friend got me a plant. I didn’t really know it meant something to me until the plant died (my bad). It served as a way to mark the tiny soul and brought comfort.

3. This one is sort of stupid and very me specific, but echos the idea of knowing your friend and what they need. After my cancer diagnosis, a friend got me a funny shirt with a friend's quote on it. It’s dumb and ridiculous and it made me laugh. I’m not a person who likes to be somber or serious for any length of time and after you get a cancer diagnosis people are a bit nervous around you and don’t know how to act. I deal with pain by making jokes, and just that my friend saw I needed someone to laugh with made me feel safe.

Trish Bowlin

Two things my friends did that have stuck with me:

1. When my dad died some of my friends gifted me a wool blanket. The most beautiful thing about it was the tag. The tag said, “like a blanket to my soul, these pieced together memories will keep me from growing cold”. Those are words from a song that I wrote. Specifically the song was about my home but it was also about my dad who was apart of that home. It was detailed and thoughtful. So many meanings in that one blanket.

2. When my dad was diagnosed with a brain tumor I began taking trips almost weekly to go see him and I’d stay for long periods of time.  My sweet roommate at the time (you know who you are 😉) gifted me a travel bag. It had all things travel inside it to help offset the stress of going back and forth. It was so practical. She knew I hardly had time to think of all the things I might need so she thought it through for me. Once again, it was detailed and catered to my situation. It was not flowers or a card but boots on the ground care. I’m so thankful for friendships like that. 

Colleen Sunich

I don’t have a ton of experience with this. But in the past when I’ve had a close friend or relative who lost a pet, I tried to make a point to reach out. I have a huge heart for pets so it makes me sad every time I hear of a pet loss. My cousin lost a bunny rabbit named Oreo some years ago. She had had him for over 10 years. I wrote her a letter telling her about my experience with my pet rat, Panda, from college. People jokingly say “at least it was just a rat” and stuff so I knew she would get some of that about her rabbit. I just was open in the letter about how it feels to own an animal to let her know that I understood the pain to some degree. She wrote back a really sweet letter and said she was grateful because some people didn’t understand why she was so sad.

When my friend who lives alone lost his dog (aka best friend!) it hit him pretty hard. I had taken a really beautiful picture of the dog playing in a lake a couple years before. I found the pic and framed it for him. I wrapped it and gave it, but I told him ahead of time it was a pic of Berra. He was grateful but said he couldn’t open it yet. It would make him too sad. I told him: that was totally fine, open it on his own time, of course. A couple months later we hung out and he said he still couldn’t bring himself to open the gift and look at the picture. That was years ago. I bet he opened it by now… but I don’t know!

Lastly, a handful of people reached out when I lost my black cat, Mojo. That was my first experience with personal loss. It still hurts, even though it was a couple years ago. Jared’s Mom (her mother in-law) made a beautiful card with a silhouette of Mojo along with a note of sympathy. It’s still on our fridge! I love it because it was handmade with love and sent with compassion. And it reminds me of our beautiful cat.