Leslie & Maddie: Part One
What a treat to have Maddie and Leslie over to my house for some intentional conversation this past winter. This evening was a true delight, but then again, so are Maddie and Leslie.
Sarah: How did you both meet and how did you eventually become friends?
Maddie: My cousins told Jordan (her husband), and me and that we needed to meet Leslie and her husband Charlie. My cousins attended the same church as Leslie and Charlie at the time. And my cousins were also talking to Leslie and Charlie telling them they needed to meet us! That conversation happened for like a year!
Leslie: Yeah, probably a whole year! So, it was fall 2018 when we actually connected.
Maddie: And then this one day Charlie comes driving by our house with all his kids in his van; stops, rolls down his window and is like: HI! I’m Charlie! We’re gonna meet right now!
The timing was perfect because we had just recently left our church and all I could think was, I need some friends. Transitioning from one church into another is just a hard process and I was really in need of people. I also had this side thought: My mom’s best friends were always her neighbors when we were kids. And I thought, I want that, too! I want to be friends with my neighbors! And I wanna be friends with Leslie! I’d never met her but I told Jordan I’m gonna be her best friend. And actually, after meeting Leslie in a barre class face to face for the first time I told her to her face that we’re gonna be best friends!
Leslie: You did?
Maddie: Yes! Jordan confirmed my memory because I was embarrassed that I said it out loud to you! But, I knew enough about Leslie and Charlie through my cousin that I knew they were solid and I wanted those kinds of people. It just made sense to me. They live close. We’re in the same kid season. So, let’s do this!
Leslie: Something that also strengthened the relationship was that women in our neighborhood would have these girls’ nights. That was a good season. And then when quarantine happened I saw Maddie like every day. It’s so nice having kids the same age, living so close, etc. And when you’re a seven (Maddie) and a nine (Leslie) on the enneagram it’s like a dream team during a pandemic.
There was also a really unique overlap of significant life events for us. Maddie with your heath stuff and when Charlie was let go from his job, both of which were really hard things. So walking through a lot of tough stuff this past year has definitely bonded us.
Maddie: Hundred-percent. It definitely has been this past year that has brought us so close. When you are walking through suffering, you need someone safe and someone close to be with you and that has definitely been Leslie and Charlie.
Sarah: It really is those crappy seasons that make or breaks relationships. It’s like, “Are you staying or are you gonna go? Because this is where I am at and it’s a mess.”
Maddie: Absolutely and that makes me think of this moment when Leslie point-blank asked me, “What do you need in this season?” I mean, loaded question, but the truth was I just need a friend! And I feel like you did that, Leslie.
Maddie starts crying, Leslie starts crying aaaaand of course the love in the room moves me to tears too! After few double takes, we all notice we’re all crying and can’t help but laugh.
Sarah: What are one or two of your favorite aspects of the other? And what drew you into relationships with one another?
Leslie: We have a lot of fun together. We’ve had so many long conversations and short conversations and everything in between, but I feel like there’s always something to talk about with Maddie. I like hearing about what you think about different things, but you also have an open approach to things while still being grounded. I feel like that’s a neat combination and makes it really fun to be your friend.
Maddie: I think it’s really easy to get deep with you quickly, Leslie. And that’s not true of every friendship. For a lot of friends, I’ve noticed that you kind of have to stay surface to be safe. I feel like you calm me down, first of all! You are the chill to my not-chill. I really feel like I can talk to you about anything. And you are a very, very good listener.
Sarah: What have you learned about God through your relationship with each other? I ask this because Christian relationships are so much more than two people hanging out. Everything is pointing back to the ultimate relationship: the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit and their relationship with each other.
Maddie: She finds the beauty of the Lord in creation or in works of art, her children, absolutely anything. Even a really bad piece of art, she sees the good in it. She finds the beauty and focuses on that and consistently points me to God. So I feel like Leslie is very good at pointing out God’s beauty.
This is also a little cliché (since Leslie is a Nine on the enneagram), but the peace she has. The peace of God she has, it really comes through. She doesn’t get riled. I’ve never seen her get riled up about anything! Seriously, it takes a lot to get to her. Unlike myself, she just can take so many hits and still be at peace.
Leslie: Thanks, Maddie!
I think there are many moments, but when I think of my birthday, Maddie brought over a cake that she made it was just so, so sweet to me. My mom was over when Maddie dropped off the cake and my mom was even so touched. And I was so touched. It meant a lot to me for my mom to see that I do have good friends, because she’s always had really good friends. It was just really sweet to me, to have my mom witness the goodness of our friendship.
Thinking about this past year with all the craziness, you’ve shown me you are a supportive person, you are an acts-of-service person. I really needed that and just needed to see you on the regular with all the craziness of COVID and the uncertainty. It was so great to have you so close for that stretch of time. I’m a rule follower by nature, but I really needed to see someone during that lockdown time. And when we’d see each other outside in the neighborhood it was like, “wanna hang?!” I think we both needed that time with everything going on.
Sarah: What practical advice would you give Christians just moving into a new neighborhood? How do you start relationship with neighbors AKA strangers! I ask that because when we first moved into our current neighborhood I thought about this a lot, like, do we just go knock on people’s doors and say hi? Do people still do that?
Leslie: It’s a process and it’s a slow process. We didn’t meet neighbors right away. But like our neighbors who lived right across the street were always willing and eager to help us. They knew we were first-time homeowners and knew we didn’t know what we were doing. They knew everything there was to know about lawn care!
We all giggle at the phase: lawn care. Because when you become a homeowner you have no idea how much lawn care would consume your annual calendar.
Leslie: They offered us his pressure washer!
Maddie and Sarah “oooh and aw,” over the idea of owning a pressure washer. A magical tool that you never knew you wanted, ever.
Leslie: Them seeing our need, their generosity to us is how it started and then slowly over time it became deeper. Eventually, their kids would babysit for us (and babysitting is definitely a way to get to know people). Being involved in your local community brings great opportunity to make connections. A neighbor of ours also hosted a block party, which was great!
On the practical side of things: take note of how you can be a help to your neighbors or make an effort to remember their favorite coffee or wine. So, if you observe or know they are having a hard time you have something personal to offer them or leave at their door. One thing that I really like is that our neighborhood moms have an ongoing thread and we check in on each other from time to time.
Maddie: I feel like for my own personality, as soon as we bought our house I wanted to meet anyone and everyone! So, I kid you not, anytime I saw someone who looked like they belonged to a house I would go over and just make the introduction and say hello, ‘cause that’s just who I am. And ya know, I think it’s as simple as that, say “Hi!” It’s too easy not to, but just say “Hi!” And you know, don’t be a creep about it, but if the moment is right, give a holler: “What’s shaken neighbors?” And most of the time you end up just stopping and talking and getting to know someone you didn’t know before. I’d also add, just being out in your front yard invites people into a shared space. Like working or playing where you are visible just welcomes people to interact. Oh and you know, this is probably obvious, but just walking around your neighborhood regularly has the potential to make connections with your neighbors.
Leslie: Yes! I think something to be conscious of too is not everyone wants to be in relationship with their neighbors. And that’s okay! Some people just want their home to be quiet and just for them. It’s important to respect people’s boundaries and desires. So, when you do identify those people who want to connect with you, invest in those relationships.
Sarah: This question is for you, Leslie. You will be moving soon, so tell me as you reflect on your last days in this town and neighborhood specifically, what has God been speaking to your heart about community and being in relationship with others?
Leslie: When I think about what the Lord has been pressing on my heart it’s just that I’m really grateful. Since we are not originally from here and to be moving to a whole new place again, I know that there will be people to meet, to love and to serve there. And, just like here, we will be meet people to grow along with as well. I just can’t stop thinking about how God has provided people here for us to grow with and be close to here. So I can’t help just being so grateful about how God has provided these past years here and that does make me hopeful for our future in a completely new community.
To be honest I always thought we’d stay here. I first came here in 2006 for school and so did Charlie. We both started our careers here. We started our family here. All our kids were born here. We’ve made our friends here as a couple and as a family. So yeah, everything has started here for us. Like two years ago I had it in my mind and heart that this is where we’re going to be forever. We were ready to buy our forever house, we even put in an offer on one and we ended up not getting it which only makes sense now because God has called us somewhere else.
The community here has been really sweet. I am the kind of person that I really wish I could be a friend with everyone I’ve ever met from my whole life…
Sarah: Same! Me, too!
Leslie: But it’s just not doable. So I think that’s the hardest part about this transition season. Things will change, relationships will change and I don’t want them to change, but I’m trying to trust God that it will be good.
Sarah: I just have to say, I know you are a nine on the enneagram (so is my husband), and there’s something really beautiful about how you guys are wired. The amount of sincere gratitude for life and how you take each day in stride is exactly what I need to be reminded of. You are taking what God has given you as a gift and saying out loud – thank you, God. It does my heart good to hear you say that because I respond to big life changes every differently.
Maddie: Yeah, watching both Charlie and Leslie respond to all the changes they have experienced these past few years has been incredibly encouraging. Because I think there could have been a lot of complaints. There could have been a lot of whining and there could have been a lot of “THIS SUCKS” moments (and I’m not saying it’s been all rainbows and sunshine, ya know?), but there’s never been a defeatist attitude or a moment of “I don’t want to do this anymore.” These two have heard their calling and are responding to it with a lot of grace and faith.
Sarah: That’s exactly it, ‘faith for more’. Leslie, you are just filled with hope and faith for more and that is an incredible gift to the body of Christ. Your faith and hope in God’s provision for the future are what we all need to be reminded of.
When the Spirit of hope is in the room you can’t help but be filled. We all promptly start crying because we sensed the Spirit of God. It’s true: hope deferred makes the heart sick but when your spirit is renewed it’s like taking a deep breath, as if for the first time. This evening’s fellowship was like taking a deep breath after a good cry.