Playdates — One Another

Playdates

A short play by Sarah Martin

Kiddo: Thank you, momma!

Hugs and kisses are quickly exchanged. Kiddo runs away to play with other children

Mom 1: Okay, sorry! What was I saying?

Mom 2: You were saying it’s just been a rough time.

Mom 1: Yes! I mean I just need some quality time away with my friends...

Mom 2: Same! I haven’t had a real conversation in forever…

Kiddo: Momma it broke, again!

Mom 1 fixes toy for the 5th time in one hour

Mom 2: Ah…I’ll be right back!

Mom 2 runs off to save her child from certain danger

Mom 1: There ya go!

Mom 1 hands toy back to kid for the 6th time

Kiddo: Thanks, momma!

Kiddo runs off again. From a distance they yell, “IT’S WORKING! IT’S WORKING!”

Mom 2: Okay, crisis averted! “Just a flesh wound.”

They laugh at the Monty Python and the Holy Grail reference. A shared sigh and moment of realization at how out of touch they are with current movies.

Mom 1: What were we talking about?

Mom 2: I have no idea…

Kiddo: Mom! It’s broken!

Mom 1 looks as though she is about to laugh hysterically or burst into tears. It’s hard to say which.

End

One of the strangest things about motherhood in my experience is the “play date.” According to Wikipedia, a play date or playdate “is an expression primarily used in the US for an arranged appointment for children to get together for a few hours to play. It should not be confused with dating as there is not an implied romantic component to it.” For some reason, that definition struck me as very funny.

In the beginning, I want so badly to enjoy play dates but the truth is, I did not. Constantly interrupted conversation; a mixed bag of little nuts, butts, snacks, snot, etc. A diaper change for one and a mad-dash to the potty for another, it’s just insane at times. I don’t know if this is true, but from what I observe, play dates seem to be more enjoyable for extroverted moms. They have the skill of managing multiple conversations at one time, they appear not to be overwhelmed by kids climbing all over you while attempting to eat hot soup, etc. My hat’s off to you extroverted mothers. I wish I had your skills, but this introvert does not. I’ve got a lot to learn.

After one of my first real play dates with my own kid in the shuffle, I was taken by surprise after we left. I buckled my kid in, then myself and I just cried. I had been so overstimulated I didn’t even know my own feelings until after we had left the hustle and the bustle: It was a classic example of unmet expectations. I was hoping for some real quality time with my gal pals. I even had made up in my mind that I wanted to share some meaningful things, which is a big effort for an introvert who is also an internal processor. The truth is none of us young moms got to say a whole lot because of the nature of play dates. It’s just a circus most of the time when you have babies and toddlers all over the place.

Initially, this was very discouraging. I was asking myself: “Is this how it’s going to be forever?” “Is it normal to feel like you’re losing your mind during a play date? Will I ever be able to talk to my friends again?” “Why is my kid’s face covered in poop?!” No joke, that happened to me at a play date one time. My one-year-old was whisked away by a four-year-old to an undisclosed location. They returned later with my babe’s face covered in what I thought was poop or perhaps mud. Thankfully it was chocolate – classic. The four-year-old had smuggled extra chocolate treats from his mom. It was my child’s first chocolate experience. I’m sure she was very grateful. In all seriousness, though, the nature of play dates was very upsetting to me at the beginning. I wanted to TALK! I wanted to be HEARD! Oh, YOU want a snack little snot-nose? I haven’t even had breakfast! I wanted this and I wanted that! The Lord brings about our maturing in the most unexpected ways: in the middle of a play date where I am actually the one behaving like a child. So I prayed for a new mindset and a real heart change, because my attitude was not cute.

Over time this is what I’ve come to learn…

Surrender expectation and embrace what God has in front of you.

This is a sweet unique opportunity for my child to socialize, play and learn communally.
Just as I want to be heard, seen, and known I’m also in a room where others are probably feeling the exact same way. How can I show them the love of God?
One play date is another link in the paper chain of friendship. Relationship is built up over time and faithfully showing.
Play dates are a beautiful opportunity for your child to see you commune, communicate and celebrate other people up close.
Play dates are play dates. Play dates are not supper clubs or date nights or coffee dates with girlfriends. Play dates are for learning through play, catching up, enjoying food together, swapping mom-battles stories and battle scars; a beautiful opportunity to understand that you are not alone in your motherhood journey.
The start of conversation at a play date can be intentionally followed up at another time. Play dates are open doors to have deeper relationship.

My favorite ingredients for play dates

1. Outside: Fresh air for all and if we’re lucky a sunny day for some vitamin D. There are just so many benefits to being outside. Also, it’s really nice to not make a big mess in the house for the host. Let the kids run free and wear them out so when it’s naptime hopefully they sleep real good!

2. A mom snack: When we go to play dates I’m always so grateful when the host or other friends make something special for the mommas. A cheese board or a baked good of some kind – yum! Also when coffee and tea are offered it’s a win in my book. This was particularly meaningful in the early days with my first. I was always surprised how I would forget to eat something.

3. Questions: Ask God questions and ask other moms questions too. In route to play dates sometimes I pray for our time together. I recognized when my babe was still small that my intentions and agenda for play dates were very selfish. So I started getting in the habit of asking God “Who would you have me connect with during this time?” “Who should I ask, ‘How are you really doing?” “Who do you want me to pursue in relationship?”