Finding a mentor can seem like, well, impossible. But it’s not. But it should be said that having a mentor or best friend or soulmate is not promised to us. That stings, doesn’t it? Because I think most people long to have those kinds of relationships. But if you examine the Bible, specific kinds of relationships are never promised to us in our lifetime as a Christian. I truly believe that Jesus is more than enough for your deepest longings in this life through every season. This is the Truth for every Christian. If you understand that in your mind but don’t necessarily feel that I invite you to call upon the Lord and ask him to touch your heart. I pray that you won’t just understand with your brain but that you would feel the presence of the Lord, too. Let the Bible guide you in that journey of intimacy with the Lord.

5 Practical Steps

First: Pray! Ask God for that person. God often can surprise us with dropping the answer to our prayers right in our laps. When prayers like that get answered, what a blessing and future testimony for your friends.

Second: Take action. Don’t just wait around. Start putting yourself in the path of relationship. Get involved with your local church. Show up on Sundays. Attend a small group. Volunteer on the greeting team, or whatever team you like! There are so many ways to get involved in your church. Jump in and get to know the people of your community and give them ample opportunities to get to know you as well.

Third: Ask your pastors and their spouses if they could recommend someone to you. Ask around in general, you probably will find a pattern of certain people being recommended to you. What a good sign! A person who has a good reputation around your church is someone who will have good character and that quality is better than gold.

Four: Once you’ve identified a potential mentor, spend some time with them. Casually get to know them and see if it’s a good fit for you both. There are also simple, practical things to consider: Do you both have schedules that align and allow you to meet regularly? Are your expectations for meeting the same? What is your goal or desire for meeting? Are you wanting to meet to talk and discuss questions you have? Do you want to meet to pray together? Or are you looking for someone to read and discuss the Bible with? Share your desires for the time you’d spend together.

Five: Once you know the person you’d like to have as your mentor, have the courage to ask them. Say something like, “Hey! Would you consider being my mentor?” If they say “Yes!”, hooray! But if they say “Sorry, no”, bummer, man. But don’t sweat it. You know how the saying goes, “When the Lord closes a door, he'll open a window.” And “There are lots of mentors in the sea.” I’m sure I’ve heard that somewhere. ; )

Surrender your expectation that someone is going to ask you to be their mentee. This does happen and is appropriate, however, we cannot walk around church and just wait for someone to pursue us. That is a very self-centered thought. Perhaps even selfish, if I’m being blunt. And perhaps if you are reading this you just need to hear some hard truths. We have to take responsibility for our own spiritual maturity and walk in faith and action. Our Christian faith is no one’s responsibility but our own. I’m speaking specifically to you, post-college adults (Especially those who were really involved in campus ministries). Sorry friends, but you are going to have to stop thinking that something is wrong with your local church and re-write the narrative. Perhaps you were simply relationally spoiled in college. I know I was. I loved my college experience, but college is not real life.

You may want a mentor, and I hope you get one. I met with my mentor for almost 10 years before I got married and it was just the best; life changing, in fact. But I have an important question for you: Have you ever thought about being a mentor or simply a friend to someone who’s a season behind you? Maybe it’s time to grow out of the mindset of who’s going to spiritually feed me, into who are you going to feed? We should be asking ourselves, regardless of what season we are in: How can I use my gifts to build up the church body? Who can I disciple? Who needs to hear the Gospel? How can I help raise up the next generation of believers in my church? I see a need in my church. How can I practically help make it better? Who needs prayer? How can I pray for the people in my church? And if you still want that mentor-mentee relationship, go and seek it out. There are many, many spiritual mothers and fathers and friends in your local church to meet with. You just have to stand up, wipe your self-pity tears off and make the ask. Too harsh? Sometimes we need a good slap on the back to get us off our asses and onto the playing field. Let’s go team!

- Sarah

Addendum: A mentor does not replace church or your whole church family. A mentor does not replace your need for your faithful and personal pursuit of the Word and the power of the Gospel. Your mentor is not God. A mentor does not get the final word, only God does. These might seem like obvious things to say, but I assure you, there will come a time when one or all of these statements will be bumped up against and you will need to question your heart. There is always a fine line to be walked when you look up to someone. Admiring or loving someone can easily become idolatrous; associating ourselves with this esteemed friend could easily fuel pride. Be on guard. No one is perfect, except the Lord.